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A conversation is recounted in the book # Shantaram  in which the character, Khaderbhai, says: “There is no such thing as believing in #G...

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Sunday, 26 May 2013

HOW DO I ASK FOR MONEY? or VALUING MY SELF, Part 2

In my last post, I spoke about the challenge for some people of asking for money, or for asking for enough money, that is asking to be paid what they are worth in the market.

The problem is that, before we  ask for money from others, all too often the first step we take is to sit in judgment of ourselves, deciding whether we are worthy of being paid or not.  We may not even realize we are doing that, because our sense of self-worth often sits at a sub-conscious level.  What we believe about our own worthiness then guides our behaviour in relation to money (and other things) and often we don't even realize that that is what is guiding our behaviour.


Once we have made up our minds (consciously or otherwise) that we are not terribly worthy, it then becomes a challenge for us to ask others to pay real money to a person who is not worthy of love, respect, receiving money or indeed much else.  "What if they think I'm unworthy?  What if they think I'm not good enough?  What if they don't like me when I ask for money?  Perhaps I'm a fraud."  The issue is that many of us actually think these sorts of thoughts about ourselves.  Then, in order to avoid the things we fear from actually happening, we don't send out the invoices, or we charge too little because that way we needn't worry about what others think of us.


The problem here arises when we create a direct link (consciously or not) between how we perceive our worth as human beings with our entitlement to be paid a fair fee for our services.  Un-coupling or de-linking self-worth from market worth and understanding them as two completely different concepts is the first step to both financial and emotional freedom.


How to do that?

The first truth is that money is just a means of exchange.  It has no feelings, no thoughts and no baggage.  It is simply a commodity.  If we are to earn money, we are required to produce value which others (those paying the money) regard as equivalent to the money we require.  Money has NOTHING to do with who we are inherently as human beings.  It relates only to the fair market-value commodity/service/skill/expertise we provide.

The second truth is that we are all worthy: worthy of respect, of being loved and worthy as human beings.  So who are we to judge ourselves as unworthy?  Our worth as human beings is beyond being valued, so it makes little sense to link it to the amount of money we think it is fair to charge.

How then do we separate self-worth from market-worth in a way that stops us from connecting our entitlement to the one with our perception of the other?

NEXT TIME: MEASURING MARKET WORTH

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